So Spouse and I have both been in academia for about 24 years. It started when I quit my job in industry to follow him to grad school. I wasn't enrolled, and because his school was quite good, but in the middle of nowhere, I ended up working as a secretary at the school for several years until I decided maybe I'd do a grad degree myself and got an assistantship so I could do it full-time.
Spouse finished before me, and took a job at a school where we thought there might be a job for me eventually. I was a lecturer for a long time and Spouse got tenure. Eventually I moved to the tenure track, and we lived happily ever after.
Except we didn't.
As I have blogged here, my failing at tenure at PrettyGood changed just about everything in our lives. The kids are better off in New State, school-wise, although having one parent or the other on the tenure track for nearly her whole childhood has been less than optimal for Offspring. Academia is a cruel mistress when it comes to one's family, where your response to student concerns had best supercede your response to your family's needs in order to keep your job during the big up-or-out that is a hurdle to job security.
I'm better off at New School for the most part. Working on the far side of a sizeable commute kind of sucks and NewSchool has a bit of a Stepford quality that's not great.
Spouse is worse off. Spouse had to give up tenure to make that possible, and it's something he probably will not get back, given the nature of his position here. And that is hard for him every day.
So is it possible to solve the two-body problem? Kind of, but not completely. And, solving it at the same time seems very challenging, indeed.
Spouse finished before me, and took a job at a school where we thought there might be a job for me eventually. I was a lecturer for a long time and Spouse got tenure. Eventually I moved to the tenure track, and we lived happily ever after.
Except we didn't.
As I have blogged here, my failing at tenure at PrettyGood changed just about everything in our lives. The kids are better off in New State, school-wise, although having one parent or the other on the tenure track for nearly her whole childhood has been less than optimal for Offspring. Academia is a cruel mistress when it comes to one's family, where your response to student concerns had best supercede your response to your family's needs in order to keep your job during the big up-or-out that is a hurdle to job security.
I'm better off at New School for the most part. Working on the far side of a sizeable commute kind of sucks and NewSchool has a bit of a Stepford quality that's not great.
Spouse is worse off. Spouse had to give up tenure to make that possible, and it's something he probably will not get back, given the nature of his position here. And that is hard for him every day.
So is it possible to solve the two-body problem? Kind of, but not completely. And, solving it at the same time seems very challenging, indeed.
1 comment:
I hear you. My husband is not an academic but he ditched his very viable career path to come with me all those years ago and nothing here has ever come close to what he had back in Grad School City. With Youngest's autism, we couldn't even send him away for retraining so he has been monumentally underemployed here. Makes me work all the harder, I guess, and voice my very real appreciation all the more.
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